We deal with problems on a regular basis, but some problems persist in our minds for a very long time and can truly make it difficult for us to take care of ourselves. Let's say that we don't feel like we have any close friends with whom to confide our difficulties in times of great need or that no one is interested in us. It is evident that we care about the opinions of others and cannot act as though we don't need friends. Our minds are capable of overanalyzing certain things that don't really benefit us at all. Being human, we do desire to blend in or at the very least feel welcomed. I think that wanting to belong and connect with others is in our nature. Clarity and more self-compassion are the goals of this practice, which will prevent you from overanalyzing and feeling horrible about it for days. These things aren't particularly useful to think about in the long run when there are so many other things we can tackle, but it is necessary to notice and make better sense of them.

This exercise is not specifically about making friends, but rather about the peace of mind that we all deserve if we overthink things on sometimes, which is natural for a compassionate individual. So you can take any problem and begin mapping it out. Example below.

1. Write down the problem you are facing. 

Let's use this example I was making before:

 “ I have no friendships where I can freely share my problems and I feel alone. “

2. What facts confirm that statement? Why do you think it's true?

Write down things where you see it happening that confirm it is true. Even emotions are valid here. Think about activities you do that prove that you have no friends. There are no wrong responses; you only know how something makes you feel, thus this exercise is for you. It can also refer to actual situations in which someone does something that makes you feel a certain emotion. Let us be honest: we have done actions that have caused harm to others and must face the consequences. We do have other deeper article coming for regrets and mistakes healing that we won't be repeating the same things.

3. What is the actual truth? 

Whatever facts we discover to indicate that this problem exists, there is a hidden story within this occurrence or whatever you are thinking. Try to unearth the truth and shred it to bits. Ask more practical questions. While our emotions are valid, facts show that there are always multiple sides to a story, which is what we are looking for here. Examples would be:

Problem: I have no friendships where I can freely share my problems and I feel alone.

Proving statement: Everytime I share my problem people just make me feel like I can't share it again.

Actual truth: I only try to share my problem once to one person and then I feel bad about sharing it. It results in me not sharing again.

Maybe you feel bad sharing your problems and you share it to one person only and this person is not really helping. It is not that the people never understand me, it is most likely that we don't really consider a lot of attributes in a problem. Already “Everytime ” sounds like a generalization which we know is not true. It is maybe 1 or 2 times. Think about times when you did feel better after talking to someone. Maybe you don't remember, but when you were a youngster, your mother or father were there to make you stop crying. Finding the truth can be compared to performing surgery. You must proceed with caution through all layers, and if you did not do surgery before, they will most likely not place you first line, but you must now peel the onion to learn more from the first surgery you attend. 

Your problem was most likely learned over time and has become part of your learned behavior. You might have built it somewhere and it was relevant at the time, it may no longer serve you. If you wish to delve deeper, you can read our article on belief systems. You know what is behind all of this, and it is time to see it in front of you. 

Actual truth is: Due to learned behavior and having not knowing what I want from a friend I have learned to feel misunderstood.

I must add that uncovering everything is more difficult, but if you practice things one by one, they will make more sense to you and provide more clarity. The hardest part may be confessing your mistakes, but if you want to move on, you must let go of your side and find a solution to make it feel lighter.

4. What are the steps I can do to improve them?

After thoroughly investigating your facts and making sense of them, it is time to see what I can do. We cannot affect what others do, but we can control what we do. Perhaps you need to learn more about a task, or you already know you can try it out.

I encourage you to try things that are uncomfortable. These are the exact things you need to get yourself in a better mental state. 

5. Is this problem impossible to solve? 

Definitely not, but it takes time, much like friendships. Taking ownership of our own imperfections is the first step toward breaking free from loneliness. I suppose you've encountered people who did you good for no apparent reason. Some people, like you, need to keep going in order to create genuine friends. One day, it will all make sense, and you will understand why your pain was necessary. I hope this exercise was helpful; there will be more to come. There is no one-size-fits-all exercise, but there are habits and lessons you can apply in your daily life to make things easier and lighter. 

Feel free to share whatever you've learnt or discovered about yourself. We also want to see your progress and improvement. You can ask any questions you have if you need additional assistance, and if your problem is more serious and you can't handle it alone, you can always contact us.

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Extra information in every article:

Start by reading: I take myself seriously, Setting up a new version of me, Revisiting my childhood,Timeline, Healing pain,Beliefs that hold us back,Finding my dreams and purpose, Actionable goals, Staying on track, Daily needs, Building self love, Daily reflection, Vision board, Revisiting lessons, 

Extra ones to read: Claim your vision, Solving the problems in our heads, Reflection of yourself, Regrets and mistakes healing

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